Deciding if this fear is a real red flag — or simply what you’ve been conditioned to be scared of — is going to guide this conversation about values for you and your partner. To puzzle that together, let’s first check in on the threat relating to addiction. I hear you saying that you’re not actively concerned about alcohol abuse with this particular partner, but please do seek professional help if you think you need it (Al-Anon is a wonderful resource, and also supports loved ones of those navigating addiction). Additionally, I will note, even if you’re partner isn’t technically overdoing it with drinking, it’s important to ask: do you find yourself feeling that they are choosing a mood-altering substance over you? Do you feel like they respect your emotions and boundaries, and listen to your needs? Does their behavior change when they drink? If so, how is it impacting you? Do you feel like they are less reachable? Try journaling about these questions if you’re not sure.